I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
