wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
