i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
