Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This baby is an asshole
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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