I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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