I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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