Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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