you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
