You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Your penis caused this!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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