I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
