finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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