Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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