does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
