So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
