my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
