please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
