I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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