dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think your dad took our porno
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
