when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
