I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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