I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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