My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
