I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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