I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
