I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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