upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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