Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
