If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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