Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
