you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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