If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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