you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
