girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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