My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
