dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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