I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
