I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
