So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
