home. puking in laundry basket.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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