Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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