I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
