And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
