Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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