Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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