Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
