She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
