yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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