You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
