Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
