Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
