I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
