His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
