Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
